PJYO

I know we ended up a nice conversation earlier. We exchanged " i love you's "

But I went to bed tonight realizing how much pain this situation has caused "US" ...

Though I also tried to shut my eyes and tried to hide the sad truth of the situation. Spending more time with HIM lately has made me feel unexplainable happiness... I don't know If he felt it but I really tried my best to make the most of our time together... Holding his hand made me feel so strong... Being near him gives me strength to strive more in life. As i get to know him more, I'm loving HIM more... And I'm falling in love with him each and every day, and i can no longer hold back my feelings ..

Honestly, I wanted to enumerate all memorable moments that we had. BayPark, Legion, Bulalo, Carinderias, Kabigting, Halo-Halo, Pampanga, Baclaran Church, Eastwood, 2 1/2 hrs workout, jogging, badminton, mineral water and a lot more... But every time I get to think of those stuffs, it just adds up to the pain I'm feeling right now. Also, I cant count them all... What we had isn't ordinary... First times!

I love HIM ... But loving him isn't enough to save me from the heartaches. It has brought me a lot of happiness and it sure did made me feel complete...

I am a happy fool. :P

Long Distance Relationships

Nearly everyone has experienced a long distance relationship at some point in his life. Most of us have failed to maintain it and have broken up, even though this may have been a promising relationship. Why is that so?

To begin with, I was there myself. My ex-boyfriend and I both failed to make it lasts. But I still believed that if both person really love each other and their feelings are real, distance would never be the reason to break up.I realized that you must have true interest in each other, I mean a deep emotional connection, whether you’ve been together before or not. Physical attraction is not enough.we tried to use the glorious benefits of modern communication world i just asked for one (at least just one) email everyday but maybe he’s too busy to that. And just typing the word “ILOVEYOU” everyday in his keyboard would eaten up his time.I thought that using all this electronic stuffs will make it easier for the both of us, Imagine how it used to be 100 years ago, when a letter used to take months.but it didn’t!Our one sided communication- I mean with no physical interaction leads us to frustration intensively, that leads us both to misunderstandings that are very difficult to resolve trough phone call, e-mail or ym’s.And it’s really hard to have a fight over the phone.

Long distance relationships have both, advantages and disadvantages. For some, the distance is a good help to slowly open up to the relationship without the incessant presence of the partner. The romance stays kindled because you aren’t around the person 24/7 seeing various habits and routines that can get repetitive.

In terms of disadvantages, it is very frustrating that there is no intimacy, no hugging, no kissing. You will experience difficulties in connecting because you don’t have eye contact and can’t take walks or enjoy dinners out together.Remember, you only get a real connection by touching, feeling and smelling a person. You don’t get scent with email or skype, or that initial wow you feel inside when you see your love.

It’s the quality, not the quantity.

As you can see, I’m definitely positive about long distance relationships. They expose ongoing life lessons, and prove that love, loyalty, and faith are the vital ingredients to a lasting relationship.

Have faith, have trust and you both will succeed in the END. :)

GOD's Perfect Time

Today was the turning point. I stopped trusting in my own carefully laid plans and asked GOD to show me His.
I remember those days that I've been miserable, the pains, the tears and the hurt. It was just now when I've realized that GOD was parading HIS plan for my future right in front of my eyes. He had mapped a course for me that was more wonderful than anything I could come up with on my own, and HE was making sure that in the days to come I would never question that this good plan had originated in HIS mind.

It's been a year now.

Things didn't change overnight, but slowly my feelings for him subsided. God used that time to teach me to trust HIM with my heart, to believe that if our relationship wasn't HIS plan, He would help take it away and change my heart. And he did. He took the feelings away.

Perhaps after all my worries and questions, I've discovered that all along GOD had the right thing at the right time for me, for us.

I just couldn't do what felt right; I had to do what was right.

... Moving On...

The pain of waiting.

Waiting for someone you love is never easy it may even be irrelevant especially when the one you’re waiting for isn’t aware that you’re waiting..

I always wished for the same thing someone to love & who’ll love me back.. but today, i think I'm gonna wish for something else.. the wisdom & maturity to realize that i wont find what i want by looking for it.. that i shouldn't expect someone else to give me what i never give to myself that I'm not half waiting to be made whole & even if that special person never comes along I’ll be just fine..

Sometimes we could be so stubborn holding on to something we want so badly.. there is nothing wrong in hoping for love but there are times that we simply have to accept that its over.. :(

The First Step...

It is true that acceptance is the first step to moving on but I have always believed that we can never forget the person we love. I may have accepted that he doesn't love me anymore but have I really asked myself if I feel the same way? I guess I really haven't gotten over my feelings for him. My love is the chain that keeps me bound to my past and for as long as that love remains silently burning in my heart; I know I will never forget the person that feeds that flame.

They say that Acceptance will put one foot forward on the road to recovery. But I believed that the only way to move on completely is to get the other foot out from the love that binds my heart to him. For me, Peace is in knowing that I am breathing the fresh air of the present without being tainted by the stale memories of the past. Every time I cry whenever I remember him adds one glowing ember to the flame in my heart. Every time I become sad when I think of our happy moments together blows more air to that burning fire. And I know that As long as there is that fiery emotion burning inside my heart, I will never be at peace with myself.

For most of us, there will always be a past that will remind us of beautiful memories that we wish would come back to life. But the difference between those who have found real happiness and those who are tirelessly searching for it lies in their ability to stop living in their past and wishing for the things that could have been. Happy people are those who know how to accept the verdict of the past and forgive themselves for being part of it.

When we have loved and failed, we have to grieve for a while and then learn to stop loving that person. Only when we are able to do that can we open our hearts anew and learn to love again without having to be burdened by the guilt and regrets of the past.

Why?

Here I am again, Feeling so alone and empty. What is it that people want from life?  

Most people want money, cars, and well paid jobs, And yea I won't lie I would like these things to,  

But all I need to get me through, Is to get some love and this is true,

The only problem with my dreams  

Is your smile that beams  

That through my heart it sends a shock  

This gives me worlds of hurt  

Which in turns make me feel like dirt I wish to hold you in my arms

And in my dreams that is a reality But then as dawn breaks and I exit my paradise,  

You turn to dust, poof out of my grasp and another day Where I look at you and have to force myself to turn away

As in my mind I weep tears of knowing you will never be mine again.

*i love you so much but the pain is too much..
it's been almost half a year now. *

Confused

Sometimes life throws things at you that makes you feel like your world may just be awseome,, then other times you feel like just sitting in a corner and bawling your eyes out...you know what i mean? Don't you wish that happiness could just be an ongoing thing?
Why isn't it there is such a thing as a broken heart or backstabbing?
Is it to make us stronger?
Or to make us realize that we are human and that we can hurt?
I don't really get it.
I hate getting hurt but it seems like every time i put myself out there i get hurt..So whats the deal? Cause if i weren't to put myself out there then that would hurt me even more...wouldn't it?
Life is so confusing.
One minute i am completely blissful and the next im breaking down feeling like its the end of the world. Wow that only sounded a little bit bipolar. 

I'm not bipolar. I'm just a very confused girl who is just trying to figure out who she is and why she cant just be happy... thats all.i just want to know..WHY...
does anyone really know or is it one of those big philosophical questions that everyone has to answer for themselves.?

Looking for answers....that are most likely not going to be found yet...